Sunday, September 09, 2007

At my wit's end, could use some advice.

I have mentioned my mother in law before. She is bipolar, refuses to take her meds, and when she gets in her depressed phase she threatens suicide to get even with everyone. It is her pat answer to people, piss her off and she threatens suicide. Well things have gone from bad to worse with her. She has hooked up with this guy named Wayne. Wayne is a drunk, he lives in an apartment in the same complex as my MIL and just got out of an Alcohol treatment center. Obviously it didn't work, he's back to boozing. He has dismissed the home healthcare nurse that was checking in on her, He has dismissed the visits from the Canadian Institute for the Blind and the Kirby Center for Seniors. Her entire life now revolves around Wayne. She may not leave the apartment without him. He has taken the handset to her telephone to his apartment when he isn't there so that she cannot make any phone calls when he isn't there to overhear. He has sold all of her furniture and used the money for booze. He also ran up all of her credit cards buying booze too. We had known she was hanging around with a guy named Wayne, but every time we spoke with him he seemed nice enough and she was not complaining about him. She seemed happy so we thought that maybe, just maybe, he was good for her. We were apparently wrong. We found this all out last week when we got a call from a Lt. with the RCMP. Apparently the neighbors called the cops because he was screaming at the top of his lungs at her to "crawl across the floor to him" which makes me think there is some kind of perverted slave relationship thing going on here. All of the neighbors were out in the hallway hearing all this. The Lt. said that she again made a suicide threat, and did not appear to be in touch with reality and making accusations that he had tapped her phone (when he really just took the handset) and commented that there did not appear to be any food in the apt. He took her to the ER in Calgary to get her checked out and apparently they decided she was perfectly sane and released her. Wayne is about to be evicted by the landlord, but the MIL is still head over heels for this slimeball and refuses to stay away from him. We can't have her committed, It takes two doctors to declare her incompetent per Canadian Law and none of her doctors will do that. Hell, what do they care? It's not like THEY have to clean up the mess she makes. We can't MAKE her stay away from him.

What are we to do?


Blogger Jason said...

Yikes. If that were my case I would want to wash my hands of it and not worry. However since it would devastate my wife, then I'd have to make it my problem too.

September 10, 2007 10:48 AM  
Blogger Rorschach said...

Jason, therein lies the problem. I despise what she is doing to my wife and I hate for that. The woman apparently LIVES to manipulate her (only) daughter through guilt. She makes her feel like that anything she does that her mother does not like (including trying to keep her mother from self-destructing) is reason to punish her by making her feel like her mother is committing suicide because of her.

I'm about ready to fly up there hand her a bottle of pills and a bottle of booze and say "Look, you want to kill yourself so damned bad. Here you go, Down em. Get comfortable, nobody is coming to save your worthless ass anymore." and be done with it.

September 10, 2007 11:05 AM  
Blogger TxGoodie said...

My mother suffered from the same illness. To this day I don't mourn her passing. I like to think she is finally at peace and the Ding Dong song runs through my head!

I feel for your wife. The only thing worse would be in the lady lived in town!

She's a grown lady albeit a sick one, your wife is also a grown woman. Both can make their own choices. If someone is determined to mess up we can't help them.


September 10, 2007 3:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a sibling who is bi-polar, and let me tell you, Ror..she's NUTS. She abuses her meds - isolates herself from people, and when she is around anyone for any length of time she flies off the handle for no reason whatsoever.

She's totally f**ked-up, and has just about ruined every relationship she had with the family. She torqued my dad off so bad a couple of weeks ago he was talking about cutting her out of his will, and it takes a lot for dad to get that pissed anymore. The man is over 80, for cristsakes.

I'm with you. I quit talking to my sister pretty much two years ago and deal with her only because my dad is living with me and she's living in his place (thankfully down in Louisiana!), so I don't mess with her.

It's not your wife's fault that her mother's nuts. Everytime she starts in on the suicide talk - hang up on her. I quit letting people make me feel guilty for something I never did or have no control over a long time ago, and I feel much better for it.

Out of curiosity - does she take her meds like she should? Probably not.

September 11, 2007 9:32 AM  
Blogger Rorschach said...

No, apparently ever since she started hanging out with Wayne, He has apparently convinced her that she does not need medication. i suppose that is so he'll have more money to spend on booze, HIS medication of choice.

FYI the woman is in her 80's.

September 11, 2007 9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops - didn't read close enough about her not taking her meds. Sorry.

I hope things will work out for you guys. I hope you can stress to your wife to not let her mother punish her for her mother's illness. Because you know what? They don't think they're sick at all. It's the rest of the world that's messed up!

September 11, 2007 9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, ror! That's awful. She won't be around much longer anyway. Tragic! Sounds like she has more problems than bi-polar disorder. So sad.....

September 11, 2007 9:43 AM  

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